Odd Bits

The only certain things in life are death and taxes. And since taxes will never be fun, you might as well try to make your death into something a little entertaining. While most people are laid to rest in a coffin, buried in an urn, or scattered somewhere memorable. There are plenty of other options for your remains. Here are a few of the most unique things you can choose to do with your ashes.

1. Incorporate them into bullet. A true hunter shouldn’t let death stop them from killing more animals. Fortunately, a new company named Holy Smoke is making efforts to ensure the last remnants of your physical remains can still be used to hunt down your favorite prey by incorporating your ashes into hollow-point bullets or shotgun shells.

2. Press them into your favorite record. For those people who live and breathe music, there’s not better way to be remembered than to actually become part of their favorite album. And Vinyl will allow you to press your ashes into any record you want, including your own original album. They’ll even write a song for you for an additional fee. As a bonus, you can also have your ashes incorporated into a painting that will be used as the album cover. Now that’s a rocking way to go.

3.    Tattoo them into someone’s skin. Granted, there have not been any long-term studies about the potential risks of tattoo incorporating ashes, but plenty of people have these memorials without any side effects and ashes are generally sterile, so it’s not too much of a hazard as far as we know.

4.    Melt them into a diamond. If you or your spouse loves bling, then why not make plans to turn yourself into a sparkly fashion accessory after your death? This is also a good way to ensure that your spouse won’t get remarried for a long time—after all, it’s a little weird to go on a date while wearing the remains of your loved one.

5.    Create art with them. Be honest, it’s a little creepy when someone has a giant portrait of a long-deceased relative in their home, but if you really want to take the feeling of unease to another level, try incorporating the ashes of the person into their memorial portrait. Of course, if your family isn’t the type to line hallways with portraits of dead family members, you’re likely to end up decorating the attic.

6. Melt and cut them into stained glass designs. If you like the idea of diamonds and artwork made from ashes, but wish there was an option that was less creepy, then a stained glass memorial might be the way to go. This way you can be in the home of your loved one, shining light on them, but not staring down at them or tagging along wherever they go. You’ll be still be pretty, but a lot more subtle.

7. Shoot them into space. Is your favorite song, “Rocket Man” by Elton John? Then you might just be the ideal customer for Celestis, a space burial company. For only $2,500, your remains can orbit around Earth. At $10,000, you can ensure they achieve lunar orbit, but if you want to go all out, be sure to save up for the deep space package that will run you $12,500. Wondering who else will share your resting place? Well, LSD advocate Timothy Leary and Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry have both had their ashes scattered in the night sky.

8.    Bury them in a Pringles Can. To be fair, this is a pretty strange idea for even the most hardcore junk food addict, but it was certainly an appropriate move for the inventor of the Pringles can. Fredric J. Baur first created the prototype for the design in 1966 and in 2008, he was laid to rest inside an empty, original flavor can, per his dying wish.

9.    Incorporate them into a Frisbee. Baur isn’t the only person to request that his final resting place incorporate his life’s work. While Edward Headrick wasn’t the inventor of the Frisbee, he was the person most responsible for the toy’s success. As a manager of Wham-O, Headrick made a number of improvements to the design and he also invented disc golf. Before he died, Headrick requested that his kids have his ashes mixed with a batch of Frisbees and that the proceeds from the special edition discs would be used to establish a disc golf museum. No word yet on the museum, but the Frisbees themselves became quite a popular collector’s item. These days, the two disc collector’s set costs $200 on Amazon.

10.    Use them in comic book ink. While plenty of comic book fans might love to have their ashes incorporated into the ink of their favorite titles, so far only one person (that we know of) has been lucky enough to have this wish made into a reality. Of course, it helped that Mark Gruenwald was an editor for Marvel Comics for a long time before he made the strange request. The reprinted version of his 1985 Squadron Supreme was printed in 1997 complete with ink featuring trace amounts of his creator.

(Editor’s note: No specific source was given for this information so the total validity of it may be suspect, but it was entertaining to think about.)

Why?

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don’t you ever see the headline,
“Psychic Wins Lottery?”

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice?”

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click “Start?”

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all you money called a
broker?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?

Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?

Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

God’s Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, “Put all your sorrows in the black,
And all your joys in the gold.

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes
Both my joys and sorrows I stored
But though the gold became heavier each
Day the black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black.
I wanted to find out why.
And I saw, in the base of the box,
A hole which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused aloud,
“I wonder where my sorrows could be.”
He smiled a gentle smile at me. “My child,
They’re all here with me.”

I asked, “God, why give me the boxes, Why
The gold, and the black with the hole?”
“My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.”