After-Thoughts 
by Joanne Howard
Boy, has this been a hard time to come up with something to talk about. I was
having writers block and hoping that I didnt repeat myself. So I came up with
something that I have some feelings about and I wonder if you have had any
experience with your clients.
I dont know if youve seen these products advertised or if you sell them or
give them in your funeral home, but there are several products that you utilize
a photo of the deceased. Im not talking about memorial folders or bookmarks or
even in the casket. Im referring to the blankets or throws with the photo on
them.
Now some people might use a family picture and that may be okay. But a portrait
photo of your loved one on a throw or blanket that is approximately five feet by
maybe six feet, freaks me out a bit. I loved my daughters and have no problem
seeing pictures of them, but a blanket with a gigantic picture on it just seems
to be a bit much to me.
I wondered if at the beginning of my grief journey that would have been
comforting, but after so long it seems like it would be too much. They make
statements like having your loved one hugging you.
Not that I wouldnt like a hug from my daughters, but this isnt exactly what I
would desire. Now I think I would like to have the quilts that are made from the
clothing of the loved one, but thats not this gargantuan picture of your loved
one wrapped around you.
So I wondered if anyone sells or gives these items and how the family members
feel about these objects??? Ive read the companies testimonials from funeral
homes that are quite pleased, but I was wondering if they are always received
positively or it overwhelms the loved one.
As funeral directors we are offered many personalized items for the families. Do
some of these items go too far? Do we make the family feel uncomfortable when we
offer these products?
We have mentioned many times, everybody deals with grief in their own way and in
their own time frame. So some products we offer may be very appreciated shortly
after the death, but do they become painful later? It has been many years since
I have lost my girls, but dealing with their things still seems to be a
challenge and I really expect it to be that way forever. It doesnt hurt as much
as the beginning, but it still hurts. So would the blanket become a painful
reminder?
Well, speaking of what I do in relation to my girls, my youngest daughters
birthday is coming up and I really dont know what I want to do. I usually sing
at church, but I really dont have anything planned. What do I want to take to
her grave? We just got flowers at Christmas, I guess I need to take Christmas
away and come up with something new. What would make me feel good about
acknowledging her 25th birthday after shes been gone 14 years? What would she
be into now? I guess Ill just have to think about it, but Im pretty sure I
dont want the blanket with her picture on it.
About the author: Joanne Howard is the editor of The Dead Beat.
She has been a licensed funeral director since 1992 with Pugh Funeral Home in
Golden City, MO and also the aftercare coordinator. Much of her writing in this
column is influenced by her loss of her two daughters Laura at age 10 in 1997
and Amy at age 19 in 2003. Any comments or questions can be directed to
417-537-4412, P.O. Box 145, Golden City, MO 64748 or email
Joanne@thedead-beat.com.
